lost in space 2004

Kiss you off these lips of mine

2008-02-04T04:38:00.000-08:00

Hello my rant board

Do i need to be aneroxic
Do i need to be beauty queen

Am i not good enough
Am i not bright enough
Am i just for fun

Is it too much to ask
for some attention?
Is it too much to ask
for you to talk to me?

What do you want me to be
What else should i need to do
What is your problem

Do i smoke too much
Am i out of your league
How different are we?

Oh no i sound like them
But fuck, I've been holding in for too long.
Oh please come to me
it's not like I'm invisible.

I need some love
It has been too long
How does it feel like
I just need it one more time.

My friends have done enough
and now it's your turn

Anybody who happen to read this,
this is the cry of joy.

No, i'm not trying to be poetic or anything like that.

Are you my friend? Prove it.

2007-11-16T08:36:00.000-08:00

This has to be a good post since I have not written anything - not a single thing - in here.

Gee what should i write about. Everything? Probably. There's one thing in my mind, it's interesting when you discover something new about your friends everyday.

Just when you thought you know all your friends (your lover even) as well as you know the alphabets, you actually don't know a thing. I may sound quirky but i realize i do not know the people around me as well as i thought i did and i find it really disturbing.

I mean i call you my friend and i do not even know your full name!

To me i find that my definition of a friend is ever changing. In the past, anyone that i come to know i consider them my friend. Now i have to actually categorize them, thinking through very hard, putting every moment we had then decide that they are my friends.

Sounds judgmental but that's how i work it out now.

Now that we're meeting new people every single fucking-no-meaning day and i seriously don't think i can actually call them friends. People relate each other as friends because they are too lazy to find a proper term for their acquaintances.

Oh well I'll just leave it as that.

booooooooooooooooooooooooomama

2006-11-09T09:38:00.000-08:00

just watched "will it blend" goodness gracious. you should have seen how they blended the whole macdonalds meal together. ew.

it's e-learning week! and it's not very fun. it has just piled up more work for me. boo.

well anyways, october has been fun. Drama rehearsals, make up was the best part of it all. glitttter :)

November is okay i think. it has just started. nothing much to say actually. i'm so lazy.

2006-10-30T21:38:00.000-08:00

Oh boy... it's been so terrible for me i dont know how to put it.

Ho ho ho, guess what mr nicholas lim deleted me of his friendster. okay. it's no big deal right. but why. it's so irritating ok i'm not going to let it get into my nerves. cos joycelyn knows it well by heart that it's not worth it. Not a bit.

So yes, i just found out about it yesterday. And at a moment's folly i drank too much. Well, there's free beer and alcohol so why not right. So it was halloween. this is probably the worst halloween for me. Stuck in a boring school like sp where all the students are so so interested in dota. West siders are so imature. anyway whatever la.

your love burns brighter than sunshine

2006-08-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

Life with good friends feel so much better. They shine like the sun and when the rain falls, they will always be there to shelter me. I will do the same to them.

Although we just get to know each other for just a few months, it never felt so right. And together we bring infectious joy to everyone!

sooooo ugly gabbbby

Fight yong tau foo!

2006-08-05T00:05:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time i tried the yong tau foo in singapore poly and sweared out loud that i'm not going to eat another bowl of shit from the yong tau foo stall. But i just bit my own tongue when i tried my friend's soup. "hey it isnt that bad when in the soup" and yeap this is how I, Joycelyn the great, became frequent yong tau foo supporter. "What about my scrambled eggs?!", the mediteranian stall's aunty will scream. Then the wan tan mee uncle will whine "is it because of my wantan is so salty?". Joycelyn, " erm no, i'm just feeling fucked up so i need to eat shit."

what happened?

It's the starting of august and i've spent so much more than i usually did. And i dont like the feeling of overspending. Makes me feeel like there's no more freedom to do things. Money is the root to all evil, but, no money no fun. So say fuck to those who hate money.

I am comtemplating if i should work at borders. I dont mind working there but i'm afraid of the people working there. They look... intimidating. "ARH!!!! dont kill me!" But i have to make up my mind by monday. Cos Monday is another changing point for my life! so scarrry.

Any job offers for me?

My resume:-
Joycelyn is :
- entertaining
- wierd in a good kind of way
- passionate in whatever she's doing
- enthusiastic maniac
- a wannabe
- have a flexible timing from 12am-5pm
- in need of money and love
- pretty
- nice
- lovely...
and the list goes on and on. Looking through, i'm like the perfect employee for every employer.

Huh, you want to look at my latest pictures? Okay u want it, you've got it.

2006-07-04T19:04:00.000-07:00

EWAN MACGREGOR IS FUCKING HOT

whimsical fancies

2006-06-17T02:23:00.000-07:00

Boy-o-boy, i guess nicholas wont be reading this. it'd be scary if he did. cos i had an assss kicking day yesterday.

Alright not exactly very happy but i'm happy enough. spent some time with gabriel with thin legs and gang yesterday. it was fun, made a new friend. she is great! she is so hyper, she is Melissa. i enjoyed myself. i guess what made yesterday extremely special to me was that nicholas came down to help! yay. oh and jastyn has really big brown eyes, i like :) and gabriel made us wait for the bus like kooo-kooos, there's no bus 21!

I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep, Cause I'd miss you babe, And I don't wanna miss a thing, Cause even when I dream of you, The sweetest dream would never do, I'd still miss you babe, And I don't wanna miss a thing.

Dude man, i didnt want to blink yesterday. I was so so mesmorised by you. Wonder when i'll see you again. Sharon said i should talk to you more but i dont see the point. You left with your friends, i felt sad. But you left your brolly with me, i was glad. I hung out with my friends, i was happy.

The drugs dont work

2006-05-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a starter home. Choose dental insurance, leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose your future. But why would anyone want to do a thing like that?

Because it is the template of life

just finished watching trainspotting. McGregor is good. anyways, trainspotting just left me speechless. It's true at the end of the day it's myself i have to answer. Friends, friends are just people you meet on the way. they don't really help much do they?
"Never let your friends tie you to the tracks."
Never let anyone tie you down. Simple. Boyfriends, girlfriends are nice but at the end of the day i'm still alone. i only have myself to please. It's only childish people out there who plays mind games. And people who reads columns and react makes me want to laugh. Nice job trying but what's the point?

Ewan McGregor is my favourite actor.

next movie: clockwork orange (just have to finish watching this one)

2006-05-01T22:55:00.000-07:00

Well well well, it's another day to blog that means another chance to bitch about people. Oh if anyone feels ofended sue me. bitch.

Okay remember duane? yes that guy i used to be with. well after the break up he's seem to be erm abit unstable. well i'm pretty happy about the break up actually. Did tons of things that couldn't be done when i'm with him. Yay so i'm happy. As i was saying, it's been 3 weeks since school started and today guess what! he and his friends hate me. I mean fine so be it, i won't die without them around. All just a bunch of childish people and that includes duane. So his friends are not my friends, namely Faidhi, ming lei, Joel, well basically the whole class are his friends so that makes me friendless in this class. which is kinda funny. oh wells, i never did treat them like friends. They are just Classmates. Kill me if u want. Oh yes duane, u're not my friend anymore so just stop smsing me. idiot.

What it takes to be a friend is totally non-existant in this class. whatever. i dont need you all.

Last saturday was a blast, went out with gabe saw nicholas he said hi and i said hi and i saw West Grand Boulevard and although i cant hear daphne khoo sing, the whole gig wasn't that bad actually. But if u were those who thinks rock music other than metal is rubbish than fine. haha. gee. oh wells.

Saw a couple of things

Give me a break II

2006-04-12T12:02:00.000-07:00

Just realised that blogging is the best way to get my thought through people's head.

When i say enough is enough and no means no i mean it. Leave me alone. That's all i ask.

i never dreamt that my life would be a nightmare. i said i wanted my life to have lots of colour, but now i want to change my mind about that statement. i just want it dull. just leave me alone. dont disturb me. but that doesnt mean u all are mean or anything. i just want some peace and quiet.

Will it kill to leave me alone? No right. so fine. stop disturbing me.

Give me a break

2006-04-06T06:38:00.000-07:00

You know what's the most irritating a person can do to me right now? Dont know? ok i'll tell you. The most irritating a person can do to me right now is to give duane another chance. I know he genuinely will change for me but can somebody, anybody understand what i want right now?

So what if i gave him another chance? it still wont work out, you know how i know? Because i don't want it!

Ok if u have no idea what am i blabbering let me fill you up. I broke up with Duane. No special reasons but just want to have a life of my own. Okay i know i am mean, but wont i be meaner if i keep leading duane on? Think about it. This whole stupid love, relationship thing is totally irritating.

Nope, for the 10th time, there is no other guy. Gosh, is it true that every girl breaks up because she has another boyfriend outside? This is just so ridiculous. I have no other guys okaay? I just want a break up. So just leave me alone and give me a break. Like Literally. argh. I'm sooo sooo over with this relationship and i'm SO SO SO SOO over with YOU.

P.S the next person to tell me to give duane a chance or ask about this relationship, i promise you that i'll blow up. And dont ask me to relax. FUCK.

2006-03-27T08:58:00.000-08:00

Confusion. Nope, me and duane didnt break up.

Just ran like 5 kilometers flat today. My mother's coming back tomorrow. Really glad that she is. Can u believe it, i'm feeling hungry after feeling really full.

It's 1 am, i'm tired, i'm sleepy but i just can't fall asleep. Maybe i'm afraid of nightmares, maybe is i just can't sleep.

It's Alive!

2006-03-25T00:51:00.000-08:00

Yeap, finally did something to this dying space. pretty nice template eh. i didnt make it myself.

Well, just adopted a diary. i named her Mandy. guess i've lost all my links, but it's okay. Havent been talking to old friends recently. Not that i have got many new friends.

Relationship is a drag. Breakup sounds good. Hur hur, i'm single for one week starting from today. Makes me ponder how should i make full use of this. Not that i'm gonna fuck some other guy. I'm feeling just like before.

Realised that many people think that Life sucks. But these people have no balls to fucking end it. Hate life, end life. Makes everything more peaceful. I wonder did Jesus thought life was bad when he was human? Maybe, Perhaps, Probably?

This is what i suggest to those who think Life simply suck.

Make a trip to the kitchen
Look for something sharp, preferbly a knife
Put it on your neck such that the metal part touches the skin
With little effort, slide the metal blade across your throat.

NEAT

2005-10-04T08:08:00.000-07:00

OH NO! i cant log into msn. this suck this suck this suck. argh. hey but its ok because i had a great day! what more can u ask for? hmm yeah finally i can post stuff on deviant art. just hoping some rich maffia like my work and buy my work. wankakaka. it was a crazy week. oh and hey my life is finally lighting up. there's more to life than just nicholas! ahaha. i know it sounds stupid but oh wells. i'm going for theatreworks workshop about some musical and with some luck, u guys can watch me in a musical. isnt this funky. it's what i dreamt of since i was a little girl! to be in a musical production! hooray three cheers for drama. yeah. tomorrow is gonna be hell i think. gotta go run with my classmate duane. one silly boy. trying to look like keanu. dude if u're reading u're never going to be like him. haha. owells. so besides running there'd be hip hop dancing. hope it'd be fun. hope the people are nice. oh gosh, my guitar is off tune. it's very bad i'm too lazy to tune it back all thanks to some D note. what the hell! yeah ok... it has been a fun week. so actually i'm not really that emo or whatever crap, i'm just lost for awhile. NOW I JUST WISHED THAT MY MSN WORK!!! oh jesus hear my prayer, let this msn messenger work. i know i seldom go church but just let it work? thanks alot. i love ur shooting star. really. amen. ok then i'll end off here. hope someone is reading this thing. i love my ipoddy too.

wonka. walking is fun. sometimes.

2005-09-29T22:51:00.000-07:00

COOL. it's been a long time, i tell you, since i had such an adventure. Venturing to places i havent been to and worst with out much aid. Walking, an exercise so easy to do yet hard.

Tall grasses and bugs were a norm that night. We were afraid. Afraid of degue mosquitoes. but we carried on walking. We seriously had no idea where we were. At that moment the whole journey felt like life.

Just like life, i have no idea where am i heading or what to expect. If we get to the final destination, it's a bonus. And if we don't, it's a pity. So will all of us reach where we wanted to go?

Well some people do and most dont. Those who made it are those with great determination and dont let other factors affect them. But i'm not one of these people. Kind of sad actually, i'm the one who gets influenced easily. You just have to say something impactful and i get influenced for good.

And there we are in the middle of the highway. Lost, dirty, tired, scared, excited, motivated... ...

yeah and it feels like life once again. i'm 17 stuck in the middle of everything. i'm not a kid neither am i an adult. what should i do? enjoy what all teenages do or is it time to be mature just like an working adult. What am i to do? friends wants me to be more mature. adults want me to enjoy being a kid. hmm? There's soo much drive in me. I am certainly excited to do new things and try out new stuff but why is there always a blockage, a pain, an obstacle. Be it human or an object. It just suck. I just want to do what i want to do. I just want to figure everything out myself. You just have to be there and guide. Not give comments.

Then we headed back to the nearest mrt and asked for directions. Yeah like it helped alot.

Answers are given here and there, by different people
JUST
NEED
TO
PUT
THEM
TOGETHER.

so in this journey of life, people i meet are those giving me hints on where should i head. haha but right now i should say "thanks people, its bringing me nowhere" haha.

when finally we reached East Coast Park, i felt no acheivement. Because its something everyone can do. But when i saw the shooting star the first time in my life, i start believing in god.

To me shooting star is something god sent to show the lost that he has always been there. I know as i believe...

Noooooooo

2005-09-20T23:56:00.000-07:00

The player is stuffing up on me. argh. ok so what's the fanzzzy over blogs nowadays? hmm... is it a must have for every one? ok i have one. so how old are you blog? well old enough.

Hmm, things are nicer and brighter and lovlier now. But gee oh wells, october is arriving soon. then november and then december. then a new year comes. actually i am still trying to adapt this funny life here. Things are so different and i still cannot accept the fact that i have to go back to school during the decembers! NOOOooo decemeber is holiday it is already programmed in my system. what a bitch. isnt things nice and good and steady in the past. why change?

ok maybe change is good. hmm. i have to change my way of thinking. Argh, still it is a bitch. Bytch.

i miss my friends. i miss all my dearest dearest friends. why things cannot be the same? i miss those days when i have fun and those simple days sucking on lollipops skipping to school. i miss those days when we ordered roti prata in the shop nearby and sipping on our milo dinosaurs.

damn, now i'm alone at home studying something which i bet i'm going to fail. argh. shiits alex. ok he's getting scary. argh why cant everyone be nice and lovely. no one is like that. i want to skip to lala land and never come back. gosh. help?!

I want long hair nowwwww

2005-08-05T10:29:00.000-07:00

Rights and so the story goes on like this. Last week i said i'm just a kid, and this week i'm hella enjoying my time as a kid.

I mean really, you can only be a kid once, we should enjoy while we can.

The Bravery was good. So honestly i dont know any of them or heard any of their songs. maybe just once at tower records. hmm anyways i got free tickets, thanks to saha of course. so i met his friends like some angmo girls, let's see christy and sam. pretty fun bunch.

So at the concert u can really see people slanging. seriously its pretty bad. uh-huh uh-huh. ok so maybe sometimes i slang. hoho.

Amanda from electrico is amazing. and i love her hair. i'm doing it. its long, curly and its braided. YEah yeah yeah. Loving myself as a kid.

school is funky. and oh did i mention i'm lacking of girl mates? why?! i mean girls relate better to girls but its not working for me!. alright so i'm finding my girl touch back (too much time spent with boys...)

Max is still as cute. i still like nice, long hair. tight jeans?

yes. i'm tired. phew. what a day. oh yeah i have to draw a garden! hmm. ok i will.. soooooooo far so gooot dudes and dudettes. anything call m.e.

I'm just a kid.

2005-07-24T22:45:00.000-07:00

Something by simple plan, so they are whiners but some songs they have are damn right on. I guess that makes me a whiner too. yeah ok enjoy this i'm just a kid.

I woke up it was seven
I waited 'till eleven
Just to figure out that no one would call
I think I got a lot of friends
But I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone
When you're spending everyday on your own
And here it goes

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares 'cuz I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
Tonight

And maybe when the night is dead
I'll crawl into my bed
I'm staring at these four walls again
I'll try to think about the last time
I had a good time
Everyone's got somewhere to go
And they're gonna leave me here on my own
And here it goes

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares 'cuz I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me

What the hell is wrong with me?
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares 'cuz
I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid I know that its not fair
Nobody cares 'cuz
I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world
Nobody cares 'cuz I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me

Tonight I'm all alone
Tonight nobody cares
Tonight cuz I'm just a kid tonight

what have i learnt in 17 years. nothing.

2005-07-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

So, when i thought that life was turning to a better lane for me, i was terrible wrong i shouldnt have let the heart control that steering wheel. Now i'm even more fucked that ever. This is just plain rubbish.

And so the story goes, joycelyn met this guy he was pretty nice. She fell in love with him thinking hey it is a good thing, old love is out of her heart!

She spent o-so happy days with him like my birthday. it was really nice, wasnt some big event actually. i love my classmates. they bought a cake for me. love u guys.. heex.

alright to cut things short, due to my odd behavior and self-pitiness, quarrel arised. well it got really bad. i dont know what to do. it suppose to be o-so-sweet. Now my hearts are spread into pieces, dumped into the middle of the sea, lost in the bermuda triangle.

so what in the world did i do to deserve all these men!! i didnt pray enough?! i dont know what to do. i really dont. i dont know. i just want to be happy. happy as can be. guess all my thinkings were wrong. what have i learnt in 17 years. nothing.

i'm really sad now. i want u all to say fuck with me.. 1,2,3.."fuck"

yeah yeah yeahs, will they come to singapore??

2005-07-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

it's been a month already. yeap and this one month was really life changing experience.

Within 5 days, i find myself in a polytechnic where i have no friends and a month has passed and i have some friends in school.

Passed 2 weeks i've found some one who love me sooo much. and i love him back. nope, not him... (if u know what i'm talking about).

Had lots of fun with him. fucking tall i say. ok let me disclose his name, alex. wellllllsss

ok let's see... we've been to chinatown, did the stupidest thing. and just yesterday we were the biggest fool in orchard road. it was fun man. faking that i sprained my ankle and being the biggest jerk. i totally embarrassed him. everyone was staring at him. it was so so funny. someone should have record it down. bah. then we knocked our heads. so hard that he had a concussion. i dont know how to add video clips.. so too bad :(

hmm no lovey dovey stories its for me to know and u to find out. haha.. lols, bad line. who cares. ok my fave band is playing.... yeah yeah yeahs, will they come to singapore??

stockholm syndrome. good song by muse.

2005-06-04T01:22:00.000-07:00

check out kids for poster of me @ orchard road next week.

Rights, so street festival started but seriously its the same thing every year. come on singapore i know u can do better. its always the same old people doing the graffites same old people break dancing bla bla.

O yesterday was rocking fun. FUN AND TIRED. i got accepted in lasalle but i wont be studying there. i have to think of ways to say sorry to them. But i have a feeling that the teacher will remember me for life. WHY PEOPLE ALWAYS REMEMBER ME. oh well not all. haha...

So, i'm going to be in singapore poly for a long long time. I'm in class 1A02. yeah there's nice people in there...

My class has one ex sacian. her name is nadine. she's 3 years older than me. THAT MEANS, when i was sec 1 she was sec 4. YEAH. ok now she's in freshpeeps year with me.

Then there's this drummer, his name is joel. He reminds me of nicholas's friend nigel. Pretty nice fella, yeah full of shit coming out of his mouth. and his fave line is "oh joy". every one time he says that, i'd react.

Then there's this tall guy, his name is duane. its pronounced as Dwayne. He comes from the JC so he's like 2 years older than me. like 19. yeah. pretty fit fella.

Then there's this china lady, her name is dan yao. I LOVE LOVE LOVE <33333 HER ACCENT when she speaks english. so hard for me to immitate. its not easy dudes.

Then there's then really really talented artist in my class, i dont know his name. He draws really well. i'll find out his name.

my class for you...

Then there's this.... OK SO MUCH FOR SCHOOL STUFF.

yeah, yesterday was fun, we took photos on the streets. outside of paragon i was sitting on the floor by myself, there's some cool reaction, some really childish reaction but most reaction was stares. COME ON SINGAPOR---E---A---NS. surely u can do better than STARE 0.0 i saw matt's friend, max.. I still like his hair. i fall for guys with hair like that

<-----<333333>

ok i'll show max's hair-->

too bad SP do not have guys with these hair, skin colour matters too. heh.fair skin. haha

as i was saying, then there's this bunch of foreign kids came along, pretty ok, one girl caught my eye, young pretty haha. ok but for the rest of the night, we saw her alone walking around orchard with her bag, i think she ran away from home, alas with nowhere to go i think she headed home. what a loser.

But last night ended quite early i reached home at around 2. bleah, i missed 2 buses. And last night was fucking warm. summer is coming and so is my birthday. i'm a summer kid. this year i want to see who actually remembers my birthday. ohwells i bet no one does. we'll see then.

today's saturday. yeah i'll post up my classpic if i have one. time being i'll keep the suspense in u guys. haha. like its some big deal. oh wells i'm checking out now. --ning

B+A+C+K in A-C-T-I-O-N

2005-06-02T03:21:00.000-07:00

FIIIIII-ANLEY.

Yay, this internet is working again. joycelyn is back in the house rocking hard, fasten your seat belts people.

yeapp... so much for being a sad person to be happy for once.

Alright, so school started (erm in case u didnt know, i'm in singapore polytechnic.), i am a loner in school. Well everyone starts off a loner, but i dont even have anyone in my school going to the same poly as me. THAT PATHETIC. So terried with the utterly huge campus, with many many many classrooms and alot alot alot of people. Same faces you see in orchard, nothing much.

SO, school started, everything is easy, easy homework, teachers are quite nice. i'm quite happy but its soooooo far. At dover.

Should i go get a cca? Feels right to have one. Know more peeeps. but i'm so tired. Ineedafuckinggoodmassage.

Right, my class is 1A02. meaning... 1= first year. A=apple. 02=class two! that makes 1A02. couple of cool people in class, i'm one of them like duh, i'm always cool. check out my new hair and look ----->>

i know... my hair is soo dark. haha. it has never been this dark. it look nice on my oily hair. Siick ning.

rights, so much for now... be advertising my blog on my friendster profile...
NING-NESS...

The song of the moon

2005-04-20T01:11:00.000-07:00

Got a called from a school. There'll be an interview on the fourteenth of may. Hope everything goes well.

As the moonlight sonata is playing on my itunes, i suddenly feel calm and nice. But a bunch of monkeys are playing ACAB in the living room. So much for the peaceful part. MONKEYS.

I feel happy yet sad. Mixed feelings pours. I've known a person. He taught me alot, he's dying, he's into drugs. I promised not to touch drugs. Never ever again. I think he's telling me to treasure my life.

5 months sounds like a short period to know someone. But i never felt anything like that for a person before. Some one i can really look up to as a mentor as a teacher as a friend.

This five months, i see myself transformed into someone mature, some one who gives valauable advice to friends in need.

Sam, a sad man. He's self deluding himself. He is his own prison. Don't be silly, if you're reading this i know what's your problem. You have to grow up. Really.

Moonlight sonata. The song of the moon. As it slowly fades to an end, i wake up again to find you in my bed.

2005-04-08T21:21:00.000-07:00

ooh i'm blogging. that's because there's nothing better for me to do... yes there is i can practice my stuff but not in that music mood. i want to keep it slo-w.

And yes, i was back trackking what i was doing on fridays in the past month. I had lessons on life and how to live it. Yeah, it doesnt bother me much but hanging out with old punks are fun alright. Not to that extreme yet but chilling discovery listening to life stories inspire me much as a person. heh. ok. so, the picture on my blog. that's nicholas, isnt he a sweetie. ok can be quite nasty sometimes.

Anyways, oh oh oh... a bapok likes my shirt.DOOR BITCH. Bitch it like joycelyn. hm. its 12.25pm i'm sitting here with my eye lid droooping or rather sagging like a old hag's breast. the phone is ringing, no one bothers to pick it up, ok that bastard hanged up.

yes... i'm lacking of sleeeeep. will some one just put me to sleeep? How interesting when u realise everyone u know and used to be so in good terms with are now erm... i wont use the word ignore, drifting, away from you. Oh wells, i'm also a bad person. i call my friends smurfs. i'm papa smurf, so u smurfs have to listen to meh.

Photo shoot was great. tried new stuff discovered a damn cool underpass. ilovemycamera but i kinda hate the flash. its too bright. ok that's the flasher's purpose but i still dont like it. ok the next thing i gonna add into my collection is a shutter shoot. booo then i can take pics of myself. i want to go salvation army to get props. PROPS I WANT PROPS I NEED PROPS. bah... who wants to be my model? heh. its gonna be fun but dirty. Not so much of porn lols, but its gonna be fun and horny. haha... hmm i sound like a guy.

Anyways... i can still afford to sleep for an hour before brushing up to go to my playground. tower records. heh, you can earn 37 dollars while playing. what's there to complain about. hahahahahhahahaha. i like my blog just need music. but no-one enjoys my music so i think i'll leave it as it is. hmm... punkassssssssssss here and out-

oh i might be going lasssalle. hahaha.. cheat my way through. haha.

Kick some raw asses

2005-04-07T09:16:00.000-07:00

Something about life. People always ask what life's all about? Well for those reading, to me life is just a piece of crap. The only reason why i havent ended mine is because of just one person. I'll keep it a secret. For me, i cant find any passion for life anymore. Tried most of the things teenage girls at my age wont do. Dont ask what, just think.

Drank that beer, Watched that show... hmm i havent been to london. i havent had lunch with mr punk. i havent been awarded the craziest girl of the century. i havent own a property/object under my name. oh wells, maybe all these are another reasons why i'm still living... But one thing i really wish to do is to marry. yeah, marry to the man i lurve lurve lurve. Most girls dont really fantasize about marriages at this age, but me, i've planned everything i want for my wedding. How the wedding dinner be like. Where the wedding pictures be taken. Well, even the wedding dress i want to be in. I love weddings.

Then again, i'm a loner. The difference between lonely and alone is that lonely is a feeling while there's people still there for you. but alone is that there's no one there you can really relate to. Yeah, i'm alone in this world. who really knows my woes, who really feel my pain of lonliness. I have had many times i wanted to just end my life with over dosage of panadols or whatever stuff in my fridge, but nope... it didnt work. heh.. body rejected it. People say i look like a drug addict, maybe i am.

Why am i typing all these. Do you care? Who even bother to read this. Who actually put me in their "good friend" list. I dont think anyone gives a bloody damn about me. when i've visited london, drank tea with punkasses i'll end my life with a sweet ending in a black wedding gown.

Kick some raw asses you punk poseurs. ____ning

Is it any better than mine?

2005-03-19T19:46:00.000-08:00

"Who are the theys,smurfs?"

That was the start of a melancholic night.

I never believed anyone was a black sheep, everyone belongs to somewhere. But now i do.
A night where a valuable lesson was taught, a lesson that opened my heart to this cruel and realistic society. I mean, i know where i finally belong. Truely.

My world was just another day in disney land, where all the fun and excitment are brewing, where Mickey mouse seem so friendly. But it was all a lie, like a sweet dream that had been haunted by Freddie, sounds silly but real.

" Yikes, the smurfs are gone!"

They just left me there. I know, it wasn't on purpose. At least i knew who i finally am. I'm not that innocent, sweet girl. i never was.

" It was a misunderstanding."

I know. Misunderstandings are unavoidable. But who would bother to clean up this pretty misunderstanding? Dont waste your time.

Oh no look. What am i becoming of? I told everyone that smoking is bad, but i'm smoking in my own room. That's bad. I dont know. Can someone just numb me. With anything. I dont care.

Man this is bad. But at least i have a best friend. I think i do. Ohwells. so much for MY life. How's yours. Is it any better than mine?

i love you. will u ever know?

2005-03-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

So the school's carnival wasn't that bad actually, and it made me sweat like a dog. okay, dogs dont sweat. well it's been a long time since i've perspired alot and feeling red.

So whom did i go to the carnival with. well, i went with weiting met york feng and doreen at the school's canteen then shuxin came to join plus matt.

I was looking forward to riding the pirate ship but reality strikes me down with disappointment when the ship turns out to be a pirate ship sized for a few pathetic kids. Trust me, its that bad.

And so i wasnt able to scream my lungs out and feel the breeze blow agaisnt my face on that pirate ship, but i was able to laugh my lungs out and perspire the toxic out of me which i thought wasn't that bad afterall.

i played that balloon thing where u jump and fall jump and fall and laugh at each other.
so i played that thing with matt which was so funny, i fell out of the pit. i seriously did and i cant get up. which was actually quite embarrassing, but i was in for some fun and laughter and jokes. Tugged, Pushed, Stumble and Fell, it was the routine for that five solid minutes. i had my fill of fun.

Oh no. i'm missing him again. and i dont like this feeling, it means i'm going to be heartbrokened again and history is gonna happen. i'm seriously missing him if you know whom, that i will not say.

gong xi fart choi

2005-02-12T07:35:00.001-08:00

So, chinese new year was good. went back m'sia do that same old thing only think was i wore black the first day.

I was wearing my kebaya then i changed into my black suit. heh.

Fun, had lots of beer and wine. sang that kareoke(whatever u spell it) and did my old time fave (xiao wei)

played with kids, small kids, think i can be a kindergarden teacher.

u know what am i thinking, i'm thinking if i have received my pay. shitty company, i wanna do my hair nice nice.

gong xi fart choi. hoho. happy new year in canto.

a bugs life

2005-02-12T07:35:00.000-08:00

i'm a honnet, not just any honnet u find in the garden. I'm special as i'm dead.

i was lying on the ground, obviously dead, then came this two morons, they picked me up and the girl went "oh so cute." which i think is so retarded.

well at first i thought they were a couple doing their stuff in the park, then again they were not. simply friends. taking stupid pictures in such hot day, even me a soul, is perspiring.

so she took me up, put on her palm and took a picture.

heh, look at my dead body. i dont look that bad right? rights.

oh look hey i just found that bloody escalator to heaven, so i'm gonna leave now.

hi lurve

2005-01-28T07:41:00.000-08:00

SOOOO VEXED. yucks. matt went to thailand today. sooo sad, no-one to hug me anymore. oh wells i still got
that pig.

Went for that dental thing, mould my teeth, had X-ray, not fun at all. Thought i couldnt make it for the burial ceremony, but at last i did. hey, why am i always in a rush? maybe i cannot estimate my time well. phew.

check out this pic.. i lurve

He was cold. never mind, "not appropriate to talk." i miss matt. hur hur. i wanna play with his hair, oh his hair extention thing dropped so he's kinda like botak. haha. that's funny.

Its the 28th and i still havent got my pay. Its soooo not cool man. Now i'm hating it.

spent the whole afternoon screaming... "i'm not okay... i'm not o-fucking-kay..." i'm really not okay. nobody cares. o wells. too bad its night time and my parents are around if not i'll still be screaming.

Well if you wanted honesty, That's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks,
For photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.
What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I told you time and time again you sing the words but still don't know what they mean
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time
Take a good hard look!
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.
Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed
I'm okay.
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)
wish you were really here listening to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this I'm okay!
(Trust me.)
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)

2005-01-27T09:42:00.000-08:00

the song i wrote, no chance to sing it for u, reading the lyrics is good enough. that's if u ever read it lah...

You lifted me so high only to let me fall
You were never there
So tell me honestly have you really loved me
then why is it so hard just to say "i love you"

tell me what will it take for you to be mine
it's just 3 words that i want you to say
tell me what will it take for me to be yours
it's you i want (i'm so sure)
is that too much to ask for?

Your eyes theylook so good
Your smile they seem so perfect
your kisses make my fly but i find myself dropping
so tell me honestly have you really loved me
they why is it so hard just to say...
(chorus)

Late in the afternoon i tried to reach you
i ended up sitting by the stairs waiting for you to say
"i love you".

so lucky, first person i wrote a song for. But never mind, broke my heart like the others did. Dont blame you, just my luck. Hate you?! i havent that much courage. i still need courage to move on. Never mind. I say if you're reading this, thank you for opening up my heart. u totally melt it. bleah~ i'm a bitch beat it.

grass and me

2005-01-26T08:11:00.000-08:00

green juicy grass carpetted the earth. the blazing father sun shone down onto the ground. i was at the park. i was tempted to lay down and feel the heat in my face. and so i did. heh heh. and it feels good, then i felt an itch and it spread all over my body. i'm sensitive to grass. i ran home and took a bathe. hoho, but it was fun. yeah i like...

2005-01-22T08:57:00.000-08:00

Was woke up by my mother, uh-huh... was such a painful chore to just wake up. But guess it was all worth it, had dim sum for breakfast. SUMPTIOUS.

Did i mention about my cousins from malaysia is here? ok they are here. Noisy, adorable children. I love them all.

So i had dim sum@ marina then we went to the science center. Well, its my first time there so i'm a stranger to that place. So, the omni-theatre wasnt that great, i think its the movie. Its about some old lion mating and then his territory got taken over by a younger lion. But then, Force of Nature looks good. Its about earthquake and stuff. woot. i like.

Then we headed to marina south for some steamboat thing. Woooow, the people there are so terrifying. haha, u dont wanna see them snatching for crabs like they havent tried crabs for all their donkey lives. But it was nice. heh heh, had crabs, prawns, chicken, quail egg,fish balls, buns.

Then we went to sheng siong, getting things for tomorrow's bbq. hur hur, its so cool!! Wine and good food yeah baby the best bbq ever. Lurve it babeh. but i have to work.

Work, havent gotten my pay. This is so not cool. heh. i'm broke. haha. yes i am terribly broke. haha. And we're so not happening. oh wells...

[think twice before u touch my girl, come around i'll let u feel my bum! come around come around NO MORE]

2005-01-18T04:54:00.000-08:00

Yes its still 18th of january. I thought it'll be nice to tell what i did for the whole new year so far.

New Year's eve was a blast. Went to the sentosa beach party thing, but it wasnt that fantastic actually its all the tsunami's fault! No fireworks No foam nothing nice actually. The crowd was the most horrible crowd i've ever seen. I didnt know singaporeans are such a bore. These people attend parties without knowing they have to dance. So i spent the first few hours of new year with AMY, SZE MIN, KAREN, CAROL and TIM(he's trying to woo carol u see.)

Was suppose to work on new year's day but i didnt turn up. heh who cares? i dont.

Then, i know a new friend, a bloke called jason. well not that jason i was talking about the other time its some other guy called JAson. Nice fella just abit... hmm i dont know how to explain it. oh wells good fello.

Then, haha i saw nicholas. Recently i realise that i've been pronouncing his name wrongly. it suppose to be NIC-O-LAS. well i went NICLAS. But its not my fault, everyone pronounces it like that. I bet he himself too. hoho. Well i couldnt recognise him (he was the one who spotted me.) yes, nice fella. Its been a long time man. I think he's now a big rockstar right? I just read his blog and learn about him with his recordings and stuff. So far so good. its good to have dreams.

Then, i went out with matt. haha. like finally. You should see his hair, it was totally a sex hair. haha. Well that's what he calls his hair.
nice pic eh. haha. its me and matt. haha.sex hair, i think i should get one too.

Phew well lastly, i guess a little romance is good for health. HE (i'll let you guess who.) is a nice bloke*hint*
He just had food poisoning yesterday. He is not like the others. He is fine... i guess He hadnt contact me yet. Yes. HE.

CHUCKED

2005-01-18T04:15:00.000-08:00

Okay, today is the 18th of january. Rights let's see, i havent got my pay yet and my mum is bugging me to quit. Even if i got paid so what? My fucking mother only thinks of money. She expects me to give everyone hongbao as a token of filial piety. BULLSHIT. She thinks i'm earning millions.Mad ass. If i am to give everyone a hongbao, i rather not work. I havent got what i wanted yet.

i want to have nice hair, colour it, get my red nail polish, my red lipstick and yeah most importantly get this stupid computer done. its soo irritating to use a computer which is not working as good as it suppose to be. And nobody is going to sponser any of that to me, so i have to use the money i've earned to sastisfy my wants.

Okay, i'm sooo angry with my mother. She expects me to pay everything. Fucked ass. Transport fare to my own expenses, i think she really thinks i'm earning thousands and millions, HEY MOM I'M NOT! AND IF YOU THINK I'M GONNA GIVE YOU OR ANYONE MONEY, THINK AGAIN. COS I'M NOT GONNA.

This whole pay thing is drving me crazy. I like my job and nothing and no-one can tell me what to do. And the household is getting quiet like everyone is treating the home like a hostel. For your information i'm not getting along with my brother. He's such a jerk. JERK. argh. so irritating to be in the house. I wanna move out out OUT-

schhool

2004-12-30T08:27:00.000-08:00

And as we go on, we remember, all the times we spent together.

Yes, all the thick and thin, and the blood and tears i do remember them all. I remember the times when we have to paint the walls of our classroom, i remember scrubbing the tables hard and some even have to wash the toilets. I remember when i was the leader of the class, i remember everything.

Time have certainly changed each and everyone of us in class. Many have become an angel, they are the ones who are hidden underneath. Some bloom into a even prettier rose. Some, like me, still feel sorry for myself. well i think i'm the only one who feel sorry for myself in class. hohoho.

The teachers, will we able to recall what they have taught us?
The discipline mistresses, will we able to become what the school motto wants us to be?
- Women of integrity
- Others before self
- And all the rubbish.. hoho.. haha

So if we get good jobs and make big money, as we look back now will the jokes still be funny

yep, many of us have gotten job. Some really good paying job, some still looking for one. Yes lucky for me, i found one where my interest lies. Met Doreen the other day while shopping, well, we chatted but something seems to stand between us. We cant converse like we do in school... i see the jokes we used to make were just plain childish.

I was on my way home when i heard the song played, draws back many good memories, not just only in school but the whole thing. Friends outside schools, hanging out in malls with our school uniforms like we're comparing which school got the nicest uniforms.
As the song played, my tears was on my eye brim. With just a blink, the tear rolled down my cheeks. This is the end of my school life.

penang

2004-12-20T20:29:00.000-08:00

Travelling down Lonnie street was quite a wonder.
I wondered if this is going to be the saddest christmas this year, i wondered if anyone missed me while i was away. I wondered if anyone even noticed i was gone for a week. I wondered...

Yes, christmas is coming. Christmas, the merriest time of the year where people forgive and forget, where people play and remember. But for me, i guess, its just another public holiday. Yes, i know, i'm a pathetic soul writing all my feelings like anyone would care.

It's a hot tuesday afternoon. I'm sitting here pondering how can i ever make my life more meaningful than just rot infront of the souless computer typing all these. I had a dream (yeah everyone has), my dream was to make my life godammit interesting, full of colours. yeah... isnt it everyone's dream, what's there to live if life was just a boring thing. But now, my life is just an outdated game with low battery life. yes.

Malaysia.. yeah, very much the same. yeah felt more like home this time. With limited knowledge of malayu, i made quite a fool of myself by answering "yar.. haha" to everyone who spoke to me in malay. Come to think of it, there was a funny incident. I was really thristy so i went into the kitchen and asked the maid "anda air"(got water). The maid replied with a whole lot of malay and i dont understand any, i stood there looking stupid still thinking where's the water. Rights.. so i decided to ask my mom and got my drink at last. phew. hur hur.

Went up to genting highland. And what really pissed me off is waiting forever for a ride. And again, i still didnt ride the roller coaster. Am i the only person who havent tried the roller coaster?
The temperature was really low at night. We got one the swing and i was frozen. Yeah that was quite an adventure actually. Spent a night there and headed down to pinang. yes my real home. woot.

Travelling on pinang bridge is the greatest part. The 2.2 km long bridge is the most beautiful thing especially in the night. Road lamps shining on the stone-made path, with thousand stars shining damn brightly above my head. Thousand shining stars, that's something you won't get to see in Singapore i swear. Into the small backlanes with many stray cats sniffing for our leftovers. Do they really deserve that? Afterall they are still a creation by god. They should be treated like men. Winding in, Winding out, speed up, slow down, i'm back home. Boy, how i wished i was at genting. It was a hot night.

Next few days at pinang was terribly hot. It's hot not like singapore, hot and humid. Played with my cousin, FUN. Ate my char koey teow, hokkien mee but i forgot all about my pinang laksa.

Wells, my mom is home. She's early today. shucks. Until next time.

i'm a lonely piece of shit

2004-12-06T06:57:00.000-08:00

RIGHTS. i'm back with something new. i hope.

Things have been quite good. QUITE!! yeah quite.
start of with good stuff..

First, alright i'm one of the lucky ones who found a job in just one week. work at tower records is really fun. people are nice, supervisors are cool, collegues are friendly.. what more can u ask for man...

Second, christmas is coming.

yeah that's so much for my happy stuff.
now the bad stuff..

First, i'm starting to feel lonely. starting to understand why friends are important. rights.. now i know my mistake. Relationship between people must be solid and strong and you wont feel lonely...
i'm a sad soul. who will pity me? oh wells.

Second, i'm actually missing people like jason, matt, nicholas. sigh~ i miss their company.. those funny times in the zoo or just hanging out at orchard road or just talking rubbish. Just wish the old times will come back. but things wont be the same. people have got their own lifes to live. Jason has his girlfriend. matt has his own cool bunch of friends and Nicholas, he have got his own business to do. i guess.
My girl friends. yep they have their own lives too. life outside school. its saddening. then again, things will never be the same again.

i'm a lonely piece of shit
no, i dont need anyone
can you hear me cry!!
no, i dont need your shoulder
just let me live this shitty life
hope it'll be over soon
oh just let it be over
soon.

rights, i wrote this verse..and i dedicate it to all lonely souls out there... chillz

after exams

2004-11-23T22:20:00.000-08:00

Its after exams!!! Like yay.

Rights, so I’m back to my stupid life. First up, things are not looking well for my love life.. sobs. Haha. Anyways I’m actually enjoying singlehood. Screw that mother fucking ian hor. I hate him. No ideas why. I don’t hate any of my ex boyfriends before…

Second. Matt Is nice.. haha. He’s really funny. And he rebounded his hair.. yeah good move matt.

Third, friends are important YES THEY ARE. I spent a hell of the time with my friends yesterday night. Sneaking in to pubs had some strong alcohol.. well tequila is not exactly strong.. then headed down to fullerton hotel to wreck the whole place.

Something about Fullerton hotel. They provide Green apples.. and its real. Yeap and I ate 2 of them… cos I was partially drunk.

Reached home promptly at 1230 am. Was cool though cos the whole family was sleeping.

Next up, I’ve got the coolest hair any girl in Singapore could have. Its so…. Punk. Just need to colour it. Alright I look like a chicken, weird.. etc I don’t care. I like it haa.
Soo much for now folks.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

2004-10-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. i hate my life. i hate this blog. the template suck like hell...
Alright, i'm going to change it... bloooooooooooooooooooot

me.?

2004-10-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

if this is the real me, then i must have been deceiving myself all this while. yep i'm still constantly searching for that perfect someone but i'm getting restless.

Your dreams and ambitions aremuch important for you and you can doeverything to fulfill your dreams. Love is muchvaluable in your life but you always search forsomeone perfect. You hardly trust someone. Yourfriends are really important for you but normally youhide a lot from them. You are a deep thinker youalways study the negative view as well as positive.You can lead a happy life with a person forwhom you care a lot these days.

pennywise

2004-10-15T08:44:00.000-07:00

discovered a band. pennywise. oh i like

Someday you gotta find another way
You better right your mind and live by what you say
Today is just another day
Unless you set your sights and try to find a way
I say fuck authority
Silent majority
Raised by the system
Now it's time to rise against them
We're sick of your treason
Sick of your lies
Fuck no we won't listen
We're gonna open your eyes
Frustration, domination
Feel the rage of a new generation
We're living we're dying and we're
Never ever gonna stop, stop trying
You know the time is right to take control
We got to take offense against the status quo
No way not gonna stand for it today
Fight for your rights it's time we had our say!
I say fuck authority
Silent majority
Raised by the system
Now it's time to rise against them
we're sick of your treason
Sick of your lies
Fuck no we won't listen
We're gonna open your eyes!
Frustration, domination
Feel the rage of a new generation
We're living, we're dying
We're sick and tired of relentless lying
Destroy, enjoy, your fuckin world is our new toy
Dominate, eliminate, You're gonna feel the wrath , wrath of hate
Fuck authority!
Silent majority!
Raised by the system
Now it's time to rise against them!
We're sick of your treason
Sick of your lies!
Fuck no we won't listen
We're gonna open your eyes!
Frustration, domination
Feel the rage of a new generation
We're living we're dying and we're
Never ever gonna stop, stop trying
(stop trying!)

saaaaad to happppppy

2004-10-02T23:41:00.000-07:00

whoo its been a fucking long time since i've written anything here.. wahah.. many things had happened both happy and sad.

let's start with the sad thing...

well there was prelims.. ar it suck.. and then i got back my results.. its better than mid year(ofcourse..). now i know why i did soo badly for my mid year.. the cause is bloody ian hor.. i hate him now.. to the core. the sight of him makes my bloody boil. it doesnt happen to my ex.. he is condemmed. yuck.

then there was youth mission... the sad part is knowing that i'll be parting with my friends in like less than 1 month.. its scaring me.. arrr.. i dont want you guys to leave.. i love you guys sooo much!!!

well that's the sad part.. then the happy part is...

there was graduation night.. although it was soooooo boring sooo dumb but i like it. heex. i'm not the ms sac.. hur hur. mr sim bias of me... :P but anyways carol got it.. was really happy for her.. i knew she was a pretty girl.. fabulous legs and all..

heex.. then i get to see matttt.. he's a cutie.. rights.. he picked up my clothes.. and gave me back my clothes.. he's soooo sweet.. :)

rights he's online.. scare me.. arrrr

then... nothing else is happy la.. i got my eyeliner.. like finallly.. :P now i wanna study..

electic ? shock!

2004-09-15T01:28:00.000-07:00

HEY.. what do u know there's no school for today! But its not a real holiday, its a study day, for me to study biology. Biology is a silent killer, it all seem so easy but its not. So many things to cover, but of course the real killer is physics. man what's electric energy?

Rights, not much people is online now. Drats its a boring day. its going to rain any minute now, i can feel it....... ar... told u.. its raining :P

i like him he doesnt like me. oh screw off u big scumbag.

matt: "joycelyn? i thought u want to talk.. ill stay up with u if u want"

2004-09-13T08:17:00.000-07:00

matt: "joycelyn? i thought u want to talk.. ill stay up with u if u want"

so sweeeeet right.... haha.. such a sweetie.. i'm like over the moon now.. stomach is filled with butterflies...

2004-09-10T09:51:00.000-07:00

Listen to my heartbeat,(listen to my heartbeat).Feel the thumping rhythm,From my head down to my feet.Listen to my heartbeat,(listen to my heartbeat).Dancing and spinning and feeling free

Boom boom boom listen to my heartbeat.Boom boom boom moving with my feet.Boom boom boom listen to the beat with me.

swimming yay

2004-09-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

Ar this piece of crap.

i'm feeling like a piece of crap now. mom said she gonna book a court to play badminton.. i was excited.. but she havent book that bloody court yet. such a bum. argh.

i want to go swimming. u want to go swimming?

my a math is improving, but still not good enough. my emath is another piece of crap. how do u draw that loci thing. so dumb. argh. i cant remember. the notes are rubbish.

there's geography later in the day. crap. gotta wake up like 7 in the morning. hope my Bioclock is working.. oh.. look! its working!! listen to it..[ tick tick tick..] (its working(:).

i want to go swimming.. u want to go? argh.

i am cool i have natural brown hair

2004-09-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

my heart was beating wildly when i saw the sms. a sms from a friend who just saw... matt.. "oh my god!"

Saturday 4th september 2004
i woke up early in the morning, getting dolled up for the day. i knew today was going to be a bash, something great is awaiting for me. i met my friend, fiona, at my house bus stop and headed to temasek poly for some mathematic wizardry course. The course as usual was boring, but it's kind of excited and it got us all jumping about. i solved one question! of course not the fastest but i solved it :P
went for a game of pool. i can see i'm improving game by game. soon one day, i would be all geared up to take on nicholas.. yes.. it was fun but the game left me penniless. well not exactly penniless but i was broke.
despite of being broke, i happily went to orchard road (cause i promised to..). more surprises was installed for me! yay! york feng and i was lazing around heeeeren mall when... whenn.. weiting sms me something!! the best msg i ever received today!!
"i saw matt"
my heart was beating like about 50 times per second.. i was thrilled. i was happy!
welll unfortunatly it was clear that we both do not have fate.. :( BECause, its always my friends who spot him first and not me! oh wells..
i'm still glad i saw him. he look fabulous. he's like "wow". he's the cutest! haha.

wellll met him and followed him.. my bloody gushed straight up to my face and then blushed right through...

matt: "joycelyn is cool, joycelyn has natural brown hair"

and u know what! i think so too..

ha

2004-08-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

bleah.. havent beeen blogging recently.. really busy in school and stuff. prelims are here.. finally.. soon is o level then freedom. whooo

2004-08-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

wheeeee` i've just finished my book.. shade.. its soo cool.. a dead person recalling her life.. how i wish i could do that too. anyways she was killed by her childhood friend. that's really sad.. i reckon that reading was fun.. so now, i'm reading anne frank's diary. its nice. not bad.. she writes long diaries.. unlike me. its a wonder how a 12 year old kid have a broad volcab. some words i dun even know. bleah. i think it's just me who is lousy.

Was the last to leave school today. Stayed in school and had a hell of a time playing badminton. that really trained my arms muscels. i feel so proud of myself. I'm telling you, it feels really good to have the whole school for urself. just running anywhere u like without the need to look out for discipline teachers. haha. but miss A Lim was in school.. so cannot mess around.

slept like 5 hrs today.. woke up had dinner. actually dinner suck.. only me and my mom at home. sucker bro went cycling.. what's so nice about cycling?? reading is a better hobby.

done like 50 questions of math today... a math plus e math. still have plenty more.. like about another 20 more... math is fun. physics was a killer. i dun understand a shit. damn.

2004-08-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

bleah.. i'm so tired. u have no idea how hard i'm studying for my o levels. just keep on studying and studying... i'm suffering from aphyxia... cant breathe...

if only i was a kid.. how i wish i'll remain a pure, innocent, sweet child forever..... how i envy the kids nowadays.. nothing to worry.. just keep on playing and playing and playing.. from the rise of the glorious sun to the rise of the humble moon. argh.

alrights.. now i'm going to bed....... straight to bed.......... no more books for today. let us start over tomorrow. alright...... goodnight sweethearts.........

2004-08-14T04:38:00.000-07:00

Its such a nice blog now... i think.. its all hardwork you see here alright.. ok. i'm tired.. have fun with mr macdonalds.

hair

2004-08-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

i hate my life i dunno why.. i have to study that's why. argh back to studying.

sweeeet 16, sweeeeeet saturday

2004-08-08T05:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, ahhhhhhhhh i went out with M _ _ _
was fun.. heehe.. we've watched a movie.. the village. it was BORING. haha. dun watch that movie! there's no creature! and that they live in a NATURE RESERVE!!

heeex we walked the whole of orchard road... and then.. haha.. i was tired. haha too tired to talk even. really. i got ice-cream.. haha. and i fed him. haha i think he's just being nice though. bleah. but stillll.. anyways..

got home rather late.. eleven to be exact. and.. i fell asleeeeep. sweeeeeet dreams, sweeeeeet sixteen, sweeeeeeeet saturday.

let's bow our headzs

2004-08-02T21:51:00.000-07:00

It was a rainy day, the wind fighting over their turns to gush into my room. The whoosing sound scares the little kid. It sound as if the wind was about to gobble the whole child up. I heard mom waking me up. It was a cold morning, i did not want to wake up for school. The word "school" alone turns me off, there are still other terms like "tests" and "exams" they are much worst.

However much i hate the idea of going to school, i still have to. With much unhappiness, i forced myself out of bed, into the bathroom and to the bus-stop.

The bus-stop seem rather packed today. It must be caused by the rain, everyone squeezed into the little area they had. I too squeezed with the others. What seem like a year, the bus finally came. With much effort i managed to get into the bus. "Phew", i sighed.

I do not know what was happening in school. Everyone was roudy even me! " It must be the rain" i thought. But i wasnt. News about Mr Quah passing away spread the whole class. Everyone was busying gossiping whether the information given was true. Some faces changed dramatically. I felt sad, but with much doubt that the information is true.

All of us gathered in the small hall. And there we are, agian, squeezing in the pathetically small hall. Groans and whining was heard when the teacher adjusted us around. " Move to the left, move to the right", she would go.

I wondered, why are the teachers spending so much time in arranging us in order? In the past, we used to squeeze without much arrangments but today its different. It must be something serious. However much we did not like the moving and squeezing, we still obliged the teacher. Soon as a school, we prayed and sang the national anthem. "We the ci..tizens of Singpore..." the prefect sounded nervous. I reckon that was her first time on stage.

I thought it was a total waste of time to sit in the pathetically small hall and listen to a HISTORY teacher speak. He made a mistake or two, and that caused the whole hall to laugh at him. Why make a fool of yourself? The rain was still pouring, there was not a sign indicating when would it stop. God must be crying.

After the dumbest talk ever, we all watched a movie. It's rather odd. We should be in our classes cracking the toughest algebra question, hear the teachers nag or even doing the dotting business. Fine perhaps the teachers wants us to relax for a moment. The blood circulation isnt right, causing right leg to be numbed. I tried to move. I cant. I'm stuck in the forest-like crowd.

After the movie, we were finally dismissed. I think the teachers did not want to waste our time any further. There was a sad tone in the teacher's voice when she dismisses us. I wondered why.
The whole school was not right. What usually was a noisy canteen now sounded solemn and quiet. Something is terribly wrong. Oh yea i'm sure of it.

Soon, we were all called back to the pathetically small hall. Squeezing ourselves like a can of sardines. Everyone looked weird and odd like some big impact has hit them. The students, of course, continued to guess what was happening. Some even prepared themselves for the worst already. The hall was in a chaos, the buzzing noises irritate my ears.

The principal addressed to us. There was no sign that she cried or anything, i observed. The teachers too kept their coolness. But still i felt a kind of feeling that much words could not describe. It felt strange and i have never seen the school quieten down on their own, just like a broken down television.

Mr Quah had passed away. Peacefully i hope. He's now right beside God, who would banish all his pain and bring him everlasting peace. Saddness filled our little souls, although no one showed it, we all felt it. The rain still did not ceased, our hearts are heavy, eyes were all teary. God hear our prayer.

The school bell rang. Everybody dashed out of the school gate. The rain had stopped, the air felt fresh. The birds are already chirpping. Like the saying goes, there would be a rainbow after every thunderstorm. The passing away of Mr Quah would mean a new beginning for the school, a new journey for him. As i think back of the times when he scolded me, i knew it was all worth the effort. The Sun means life, we still have to go on no matter what.

2004-07-31T10:08:00.000-07:00

Well.. so much to say. where should i start. basically i ended last week rather down.. cos i didnt get to see matt even though the anticipation. its rather sad.

But i now know that indo food is superb. really its super yummy although its abit hot.. thai food isnt bad just like their tomyam. now my fave dessert is avacado chocolate.. its yummy yum yum.

Spent the weekend with my family, walked the whole orchard road and saw something rather interesting. a man he's busking for world peace. he's a piece of art. when u donate money he'll like bow to u in a very artistic manner to say thank u. rather cool. took a pic of him...

shittttttyy

2004-07-27T07:39:00.000-07:00

tired. beaten. cant go on. i need strength... from u. haha. talking to u is like a inspiration to me. so am i still meeting u on saturday?

seriously i'm really tired of all the mugging and the journey to tuition and school. its really stressful. but i wont kill myself yet. i just feeeel like dying.

how does it feel to find someone new? it feels good actually. the old have to go before a new one comes into the picture.. and my little gallery of mine is like increasing bit by bit.. [if u get what i mean.. if u dont then.. come and ask me. ahahahah.]

i'm the princess. but i have not found my prince charming. i havent found my purpose of life yet. i dunno whom and what am i living for. isit just for the living god?? or just to obey every shit in this world? hahahaha. what do u think??

i'm tired, exhausted, worn out. i need a break. but i cant rest. there's a shitty o level coming up in..... argh.. need to strive for excellence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

picture

2004-07-26T07:56:00.000-07:00

2004-07-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

the most crucial time of the year!!! and i'm gonna do a count down here.. its getting scary..arrrr..

2 weeks more to O level English orals...
6 weeks more to PRELIMS
7 weeks more to O level Practicals
8 weeks more to GRADUATION night
14 weeks more to O levels written..

this sounds scary. now i'm getting scared.

world is spinning

2004-07-24T08:19:00.000-07:00

Something to think about....

what doesnt change in this changing world is the fact that the world doesnt stop changing. i know this sound abit profound.. haha. well ..ahah.. its something worth thinking about. what happens if the world stop changing? will it be better? i dun get it, why is everyone soo keen to change? i rather not changing anything. i like things the way they are. hmm.. maybe change really do us some good. oh wells.

wheeee2

2004-07-20T08:41:00.000-07:00

wooo. new functions. how do others look at you if u have got 2 crushes? oh i'm so dead. haha. alrights. niceeeeee. i'm going crazy. wellllllls. today suck. its so hot and all.

:P macadamia nuts are nice little nutty nuts.

its a wonderful dayy..

2004-07-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

yesterday.

school wasnt that fun. got into lots of trouble. argh. haha. but after every thunderstorm there's a rainbow, i met matt on that very day. he got me the nicest present this year. he got me a pig stuff toy. it was really huge. although we just met for like less that 10 mins, i thought i was really fulfilling. at least i get to see him.

today.
holla. today was truely exciting! had nice visitors from australia!! yar and they brought along alot of cuties. haha. 4 students was suppose to come into my class during the geography lesson to observe us studying. HOWEVER, only 2 came in. but it was nothing bad cause one of them is a cutie!! his name is matthew. hey he have got the same name as mattttt. that matthew was alright. not as cute as the matt i know. haha. there was some jeering in clas.. but nothing serious. well.. that matthew from australia was according to my friend quite rude and proud. argh. another egolistic guy. well okies during assembly the whole school played band for us. i totally got engaged into the performance. it was the sweetest classicals i every heard. i promise. it was really good i mean compared to those i've heard before. and there's just this particular guy that caught my eyes.

his name is james. i plays the xylophone. he's cute. and he's gone. haha. so i say we must be realistic, people come and people go, we meet new people practically everyday. but sometimes we lose contact and things like that. so now they are gone. life goes on as normal. i'm sure the girls will still be awed by the boys. but ladies! carry on with ur lives please. they are gone. maybe forever. haha..

rights so life goes on. and here i am typing the events that happened today. smiling infront of the screen thinking what adventure tomorrow will bring for me. as i'm reminising what's happening in the past week i realise that life can be a wonderful thing if u try to make full use of life.

:(:(

2004-07-11T04:27:00.000-07:00

bobby bobby bibbly sob. tomorrow is my birthday but i'm not happy.
his nick is set ±MÄtt± gone:indo(Away)

he's gone! gone! haha.. what the hell.. so drama. when will the nick become ±MÄtt± back. on tuesday bah. he told me he'll be back on tuesday. :) alrights. i'll wait then.

mattttttiiiiii

2004-07-10T08:26:00.000-07:00

i dunno why am i feeling sooo sad now. nope not because of any guys.. i think. i dunno.. i felt extremely sad when matt says he have to go indo tomorrow.

he was suppose to go out with me.. not fair. oh wells i cannot be so selfish. he's not related to me in anyway... let him go then.

i'm feeling all weird. i feel hot when i see matt.. i willl smileeeee. haha. but he's too good for me.. i think. he's like some rich guy's son.. whooo.. besides he's like leaving singapore when he's 18... i feel soo sad.

say goodbye to old love.. say hello to a new love. i have a crush. his name is matthew. he cant read this blog. never. i feel all happy with him. he's such a nice guy. awwwww.

lord have mercy.

2004-07-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

today i learn lots of new stuff.. not just integration in school but more. i learn that human beings are the most irritating species ever lived. i also learnt that humans are cruel. DOWNRIGHT CRUEL.

As i was flipping through newsweek, all the articles are all about the iraqis and the americans. why are there such terror in the world? terror starts with thy. how can there be peace when there isnt peace in the household or in the nation.

God made a terrible mistake. he shouldnt have entrusted this piece of land to the man. we have misused it in every way possible. we used up all our lovely resources mother nature offered. now, we're killing our own species.

Lord almighty, when are innocent people finally find their own freedom? when are the children able to live under a good and uncorrupted society? when are all these fightings going to stop? is this a test for us? to prove that we can all go through all these in search for our perfect kingdom?! Lord, our father i pray tonight that all these are just a nightmare for us. i pray that this terrible sleep will be over even before i know it. this i ask through christ our lord, amen.

i end off with this prayer.

matt, matt, matthew matthew

2004-07-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

woooooo.. i met matt today. he's such a nice gentle guy unlike others. ahaha.. :)) hmm.. welll.. nothing. haha.. i dun blush when i see him right? do i? well. ahha. i dunno. argh had mense cramps for the first time. it suck. argh. girls. argh. troublesome. hehe. tomorrow will be a school day again. hmm.. ready for a crazy journey in my life again. wheeeee~ matt is so sweet. haha. he have got a nice phone. haha. nokia.... dunno what. haha... oh wellllllllllllls. that's it. fullstop. stop. stop.... . . .

scream

2004-07-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

arrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................

Scream!

Fell forth, destroy the source,
Cant see and my voice is horse,
Trying to wash your hands off,
You should know better than to leave us in disgust,

Let me take you right to the point,
All you ever do is encage in disjoint,
That does it the time has arrived,
Take it or leave it you better not side!

You did it again,
All you ever did was doubt,
What do you want?
Let me tell you what it's all about,

One life
Nine Hearts
And Eighteen Hands that'll rip you all apart

We're here to decimate,
To show you all we will never fall,
Its gonna get serious.. and critical,
Don't Stop because the feeling is terminal,

Scream!

Scream like you never have before,
Scream!
Scream till you cant scream anymore,
Scream !
Scream like your throat is bleeding,
Scream!
Scream till your heart stops beating,
SCREAM FOR ME!

Get off of me, and get away,
Show the whole damn world this will never die,
No matter how the energies scatter,
Got to know nothing exists but the dream,

Give it all,
Till There's nothing left to give,
Save it all,
Quit saving you,
If you're going to let the pain inside,
Never under estimate the way you live your life,

Scream!

Scream like you never have before,
Scream!
Scream till you cant scream anymore,
Scream!
Scream like your throat is bleeding,
Scream!
Scream till your heart stops beating,
SCREAM FOR ME!

All our lives,
All we ever sacrificed has paid,
Everything,
Everything is possible to me,
Why no fate,
Found everything that I had to take away,
Save your life,
Save it all that mean something to me,

All our lives
All we ever sacrificed has paid,
Everything!
Everything is possible to me
Why no fight!
Found everything that I had to take away,
Save your life!
Save it all and make a better way,

This stress, is a feeling that you cant compress,
Everything your going through is total stress,
Are you going to be a momentary run around,
How will you handle their ? of stress,

All our lives,
All we ever sacrificed has paid,
Everything,
Everything is possible to me,
Why no fight,
Found everything that I had to take away,
Save your life,
Save it all and make a better way,

All our lives,
All we ever sacrificed has paid,
Everything!
Everything is possible to me
Why no fight!
Found everything that I had to take away,
Save your life!
Save it all and make a better way,

Scream!

ARGH

2004-06-29T03:28:00.000-07:00

IT'S ALWAYS 4/4 THIS 4/4 THAT.

I SAY 4/4 WE SHOW THEM!!

WRONG. WE ARE GOOD, CUTE AND NICE BUNCH OF GIRLS. I SAY 4/4 WITH OUR INTELLIGENCE WE CAN BE AS GOOD AS THE OTHER CLASSES! WE'RE NOT DUMB OR ANYTHING. LET'S JUST DO IT GOOD. WE CAME SO FAR TOGETHER. ARGH!!!!

WE'RE THE KIDS OF THE BLACK HOLE!!!

No sound is heard from unit two
When there was once so much to do
Was once a green mansion, but now it's a wasteland
Our days of wreckless fun are through

GO!

Kids in a fast lane living for today
No rules to abide by and no one to obey
Sex, drugs and fun is their only thought and care
Another swig of brew another overnight affair

House of the filthy, house not a home
House of destruction where the lurkers roamed
House that belonged to all the homeless kids
House of the filthy, house not a home
House of destruction where the lurkers roamed
House that belonged to all the homeless kids
Kids of the black hole

Messages and slogans are the primary decor
History's recorded in a clutter on the floor
Inhabitants that searched the grounds for roaches or spare change
Another night of chaos is so easy to arrange

House of the filthy, house not a home
House of destruction where the lurkers roamed
House that belonged to all the homeless kids
House of the filthy, house not a home
House of destruction where the lurkers roamed
House that belonged to all the homeless kids
Kids of the black hole

The nights of birthdays
The nights of fry
The nights of endless drinking
The nights of violence
The nights of noise
The nights that had to end for good, still not understood, by the girls and boys

Carefree in their actions as for morals they had none
When the girls were horny who would be the lucky ones?
Pushing all the limits to a point of no return
Trashed beyond belief to show the kids don't wanna learn

House of the filthy, house not a home
House of destruction where the lurkers roamed
House that belonged to all the homeless kids
House of the filthy, house not a home
House of destruction where the lurkers roamed
House that belonged to all the homeless kids
House of the filthy, house not a home
House of destruction where the lurkers roamed
House that belonged to all the homeless kids
House of the filthy, house not a home
House of destruction where the lurkers roamed
House that belonged to all the homeless kids

schoooooooool`

2004-06-27T23:50:00.000-07:00

school isnt fun at all! i'm all sweaty and sticky and yucky. urgh. but.. BUT BUT but but... MR SIM IS NOT TEACHING US PHYSICS ANYMORE!!! yes yes yes yes yes yes! i'm so over the moooooon. argh but there's O level chinese oral this thursday... YAO JIANG HUA YU.. wo shi zong guo ren. haha. whatever la. haha...

i didnt miss school at allll... i want to sleeeeep. haha. BUT BUT but i didnt doze off in class. whee` so its a good thing. argh had english lesson.. was boring... bleah that's it for today. argh.. oh yea we want to watch spider man!!!! ar~ maybe can call matt out ;p

LP rocks.

2004-06-22T21:52:00.000-07:00

ahahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
chester is sooo cute!!!
mike is soo cool!! i got his guitar pick!!
brat is soo hairy!!
phoenix is soo bald!!!
rob is sooo good!!!
joycelyn is sooo smart...

S U C C E S S

2004-06-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

S U C C E S S taste extremely sweet today. that filming was a success. haha.. yep. it was beautifully done all thanks to me! haha. just kidding, there's no one man show in this world...

credits:

PROPS: FIONA!! yvonne, shuxin(hha ur lock and key.), weiting(stop painting ur nails!!). ME!!!

THAT FORMATION THINGY: AMY(very creative i must say.), fiona, sally wong, JEAN!!(so serious just now..). ME!!!

MUSIC: BY JOYCELYN!!

and of course to those who participated. haha the video will be nice. i promise. haha.. we'll all share a great laugh at the end of the year.

one thing that i'm really pissed about is MR SIM. bloody hell, where is he when we needed him. WE TOLD HIM PERSONALLY THAT TODAY GOT FILMING! and he went missing at that time. I PERSONALLY RAN TO THE STAFF ROOM WANTING TO INVITE HIM NICELY BUT HE WASNT THERE. argh. that smelly bastard. he didnt buckle his pants today. so sick. trying to hide it with his belt.. argh.. go away, u're not fit to be our form teacher. THE WORST TEACHER AWARD GOES TO.........SIM YAW KEEEEEEE.

oh well, went to play bowling today. i was good. hehe. then oh i paid ONE BUCK for a roller coaster ride in the sbs bus today. thank god i didnt die in there. that bus driver was horrible. one buck leh... woah. okies.. then we went to TAMPINES MALL. then we went to TOYS 'R' US to play. i like that play house!!! haha.. oh there was this box with a winder. so i started winding, i wind and wind and wind and wind. SUDDENLY, an elmo pops out! "AAAAaaRRRRRRRRRR!!!" i went. "HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA" went my friends. thanks guys.

we got tired.. and went home.. yar.. we took alot of picts.. but my mms has exceeded.. so.. hmm.. next time show u all. haha. our adventure in toys 'r' us!. haha. SOO... on the HIGHEST NOTE, i end my day with a GREAT BIG SMILE!! i'm contented. didnt talk to him today. bleah~ think there's nothing else for us to talk anymore.

the world is round.

2004-06-17T07:41:00.000-07:00

Its interesting how this small piece of Earth could accomodate 6 Billion people. in this 6 Billion people, about 3 billion have to worry most of their lives. from money matters to whether they could still live to see the next sunrise.

Its a wonder how there could be so many different people eventhough we're of the same species. some are proud and ignorant,while others are shy and humble. some are rich and some are poor. some wants to have big cars and houses while some just want to lead a simple happy life.

For me, i want my life to be filled with colours, like the butterflies!i want to experience all the feelings and emotion a man should have. happiness, sadness, love, hatred, friendships... i want my life to be sooo colourful that i would have enough life stories to share it with my children and then pass it on to the younger generations.i want to meet people of all sorts. people with the greatest ego to the people with the greatest heart.

i know mr sim. he claims that he's a perfectionist. the only thing that's obstructing him to his claim is that he doesnt listen. he doesnt listen to us, not even to our opinion. well that's one kind of person u could find in the society. then is sec 4/4 of 2004. it have a mixture of people. there's the cool sportsman( shirley and xuewen.), and the really noisy and irritating ones(like me, yuxian and more...), the quiet geeks(well maybe not geeks), there's the "better mind our own business" group and of course "i dont care" group. all these people makes sec 4/4 unique.

in a few more months time, all of us with graduate from school and lead our own lives. i wonder if any of us will miss those ups and downs that we've been through. i wonder if we will still even remember each other. i wonder if we could be friends forever. i wonder...

tomorrow is the filming of our graduation video. i pray hard that nothing goes wrong, my team have been working hard these few days to plan everything. hope u guys will co-operate with us. ITS OUR GRADUATION FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

graduation(friends forever)And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Will Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

JOYCEL

2004-06-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

ITS ANOTHER B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L DAY! even the tofu taste sweet today!

although i have to get up damn early(erm 7 isit considered early?, i still feel goooood. yep. this morning my mom was like chasing me away from the house, then i have to go to the bus stop like so early. and i wasnt late for school. yar.

school was fun, just geography and english was abit boring. urgh tomorrow will be interesting. mr sim and mr hamzah. bleah~ mr sim. yuck. URGH.

english, learned plenty of new words like bulwark hm i forgot what it meant. oh well. everybody looked friendlier today even the drink stall uncle, everybody except that ms juliana. idiot. scolded me for my painted nails. now i have to wipe it off!! she even took down my name. argh that's just my luck.

OH U GUYS LISTEN UP! u could get a donut free in 7-11 just by purchasing GULP!! yeah, i got a donut free today so cool right?

linkin park concert is round the corner!! and and and and and AMY AND JEAN are coming!! yay! ok this is the plan, i'll stay over at the padang to queue(*the tix cost 150 must make it good.*) then the next morning, amy and jean will come along and i go home and sleeeeeep. then around 2 i will go there again and watch how linkin park rock singapore!!!! wheeeee. haha.

hmm.. today after school, we stayed back to do this graduation video thing. we went to the market to collect cardboard boxes. we look like those garung guni auties. haha. and i realise the coffee shop selling roti prata is open again! YES ROTI PRATA, MY FAVE!

we spent most of the time cutting the cardboard boxes with only one scissors. haha. i know its damn pathetic. haha. we took turns to cut it though. tomorrow we're gonna wrap the boxes with majong paper and we're gonna draw on it. oh i know this video is going to be good. haha cos i'm part of it.. i'm JOVIAL! haaha

AR.. I must now go remove my nail polish.. hai~ i'm gonna paint it black again, for linkin park concert...~~~~~wheeeeeeee~~~~~~

joycelyn is nice

2004-06-14T09:27:00.000-07:00

SHIT. MS YEONG IS PREGNANT! What the hell! alrights, just need to accept this news.. but what the hell.. she pregnant!

alrights fine.. today woo, i went shopping with cheralynn! yep only the both of us, but it was fun. i drank this blueberry shake, its damn nice... its a must try!

she bought a tube and a shorts. oooh.. short shorts. yar, then me.. i play with clothes! i look damn good. this i have to admit. what to do, when a person is pretty, no matter what she wears, she'll still look gorgeous.[he's online......wheee]

dont know what's with me today, i permed my hair, i look sexy. i do! rights.. haha.. took neoprint with cheral and we left one buck in that machine. someone else must have taken it by now.. argh, we're soo dumb. damn.

wanna look at our pretty neoprints? go to:www.joyxsmashed.mypicgallery.com or just find me. haha.. i'll send it to u.. [should i go say hi?]

hmm.. tomorrow must go to school. MUST I? but i dun wanna... and we have filming for grad night. ooh i've found a perfect dress for grad night already. i look bloody good in it.

haha. today, i'm happy with life soo.. no life sucking lyrics. ooh.. by the way those lyrics are by marilyn manson and slipknot. yar, its not by me. yar. hai~ [should i or shouldnt i?]

this is very much my day! ms yeong is pregnant. i'm satisfied. you're just dumb. just kidding.

what is this shit?

2004-06-13T07:26:00.000-07:00

LOVE, what's really love. In the dictionary it meant a strong feeling or deep affection for somebody. but how exactly u know if its really love.

I'm sure i have felt love before, not that kind of love our parents have for us. its difficult to explain. this type of love can make us feel on top of the world and at the same time feel god damn miserable.

why do people get married. i ask myself sometimes. is it for the fun of it? or do they really love each other. i just don't understand how people can just treat relationship like a easy thing. they change partners as fast as they change a shirt 4 size smaller than their original size.

as many married couples wanting back their freedom and even went to the extend of breaking their vows. and we the younger generation, can't wait to be committed into a relationship. why this change? do we youngster know really what's love?

sometimes i think we are too naive and gullible. just because someone claims that he loves you, you go all out for him. and in the end, you're the one being hurt. you cant blame anyone but yourself.

love for all fellowman. what is this? this is crap! there's no true love in this world. many claimed there is. if there is why are nations dropping bombs?

God, if there's one thing u should be sad of, is how this world have become so cruel where they show no mercy for anybody, not even a child. i guess u have died in vain. we're not worth ur sacrifice. for this i grieve.

LOVE many cant understand. i myself cant understand it too. i admit i have a strong feeling for this someone. but i dunno how he feel for me. i dare not hope for anything. i quite like our friendship now. but i suddenly feel like talking to him. i dunno.

god, for years i've waited. i've waited patiently i dun expect anything much. i really dont. i tried so hard to make things perfect. but it is not leading to where i want it to be. this world is changing too fast. its changing so fast that i cant even finish saying gurilleahemanickelsjelumia. is there a pause button where i can slow down and digest everything?

human feelings becomes suddenly so strange. its staring at me like i'm staring at a french magazine. friends not true friends, lover u found out toying your feelings. what is this crap?

i need to runaway!! far away from this dumb world!!
dont say another word cos i'm not listening
but i'm so stuck! stuck to this soil stuck to this shit
where's the love we need!! where's the love u claim u have?
this is just bullshit, just shut up with ur gospel and go away!

God what the fuck is wrong
You act like you knew it all along
Your timing sucks, your silence is a blessing

Even if you run... I will find you
I decided I wanted you
Now I know...I NEED
If you can't be bought, tougher than I thought
Keep in mind - I am with you
Never left out fate, can't concentrate

today is..

2004-06-12T05:14:00.000-07:00

TODAY IS...

the first time i go to HOUGANG. Bloody nicholas, make me lose my way.. "stop after the chinese temple..." argh.

the second time i went to nicholas house. first time i went was loooong ago. very much the same, clean, nice, hot, stuffy... mrs lim is like the best housewife!!! yar, i remember laughing really hard, i forgot what i was laughing about. george?

the third time i went to the gym its soo tiring, i ran for 20 mins, non-stop boy.. haha and a few other things... my whole body is aching now..

the fourth time i took the LRT Nice little invention we have. it didnt break down today... wheee..

the FIFTH time i went to compass point. its a really huge shopping centre without a movie theatre. what happened to golden village??

the sixth time i wrote my diary on this blog. its quite fun actually, just abit troublesome. we must make our blog pretty for the eyes of the onlookers.

the SEVENTH time i didnt have dinner. yeah during this hols.. this is the 7th time.. sheesh. yar la i'm hungry. just to tired and lazy to go find food. so its my fault.

the eighth time.. er er er er er... next.

the nineth time i took the NORTH - EAST LINE train. so cool right! mom! i didnt go harbourfront la, just went hougang do exercise.-_-"

the tenth time my mom went for dinner this year.
how come i'm not invited always. argh, not fair!

i lied on his bed all ready to sleep
he jumped on me, didnt say much but just laughed
he listened to me talk
he looked at me, i didnt know what to do.
i just laughed and laughed and laughed
he asked"can i kiss u for fun?"
i didnt answer, i continued laughing.
we're getting intimate
that's not very nice
i hugged him tight, i like that feeling

now its my turn to jump on him.
what if i break ur bones? what if i missed?
i didnt care, i just jumped.
up i flew, down i dropped.
WHAMP! my ribcage hurts.
slept on top of him for a while
nice cushioning.

but it all ended. just like fairy tales when the clock strikes 4
he had to attend church.
i was tired, from all that laughing and exercising and twisting and jumping.
i went home and slept and here, my story stop.

2004-06-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

I SAY HEY! U SAY HEY!
I SAY WASSUP! U SAY EVERYTHING'S UP!

alrights, i'm abit nutty today.ever wondered why? cos of tuition! that bloody tuition lasted for 4 hrs. solid. no kidding.

hmm in just a few weeks time, i'm gonna be 16. i'm old. totally. i still remember fresh in my head the first time i turned 12. seems like only yesterday i've turned 12. that little girl had turned into a teenager. now i'm gonna taste womanhood.

WOMANHOOD= the state of being a woman.

yep, in a few years time. now i'm a lady. a young lady. beginning to mature both physically and mentally. but there's some things that would not be changed, like for example my love for tweety bird and my passion for the tele.. it would not be changed that easily.

alrights, i'm not feeling inspired today.
what makes a girl and woman. i think a girl must go through what a girl must go through before attaining the status of womanship. those girls who deny themselves will find themselves regretting for the rest of their old donkey lives. i mean since god made u a girl, why oppose him and try soooo hard to look and be like boys? tell u what, no matter how hard for u to try to be like the boys, you'll never succeed.

Boys have this element in them that made them different from us. if god wants the same genger to be together, why the hell he created eve. so common' if u're a girl, dress like one, be like one. be proud of your own gender. i know now its the trend, binding ur bust and cutting your hair short. hey, i think u guys do these just to attract attention. well, u dont look good in those baggy jeans and over sized shirt.

mordern girls(calling out to those lesbians and stuff),so now u think u got a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend very cool now la. u're a disgrace to us. spit at u(pui`). i know singapore is lacking of handsome boys, but love isnt just about looks. go further into knowing their character. i'm sure every guys are attractive in their own ways.

human nature is always superficial. i am superficial. i do not deny. and now, we live in a world built with outer beauty. goodness just imagine this world is all filled with pretty people. yuck. if everything is perfect in this world, why live? there would not be anymore room for perfection, cos everything is perfect.

so i suggest myself to mind my own business:)

The beautiful people, the beautiful people
It's all relative to the size of your steeple
You can't see the forest for the trees
You can't smell your own shit on your knees

There's no time to discriminate,
Hate every motherfucker
That's in your way

Hey you, what do you see?
Something beautiful, something free?
Hey you, are you trying to be mean?
If you live with apes man, it's hard to be clean

The worms will live in every host
It's hard to pick which one they eat most

The horrible people, the horrible people
It's as anatomic as the size of your steeple
Capitalism has made it this way,
Old-fashioned fascism will take it away

Melancholic me.

2004-06-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

melancholy-> deep sadness that last for a long time.

the melancholy is still in me... deep within me. i woke up today feeling rather sad. i dunno why i feel this why, i think is because my mom didnt go for work today.

its raining, i'm feeling cold. no one's there to hug me, to give me the warmth i need. i suddenly felt lonely. i havent felt this way for weeks. this feeling is almost a stranger to me. i cant turn it down.

i remembered i have to meet cheralynn, to do work. didnt feel like doing work. i dragged my 10 pound feet to meet her. shit she was later than me. argh starbucks so cold. i'm freezing.. someone hug me please!

went for class after doing work. so many new faces. i cant play a single line properly. i think i'm nervous. it was boring. after class i rushed down to town by a cab.

to my greatest horror!!!!! the cab fare from tampines to somerset is $11.50!! hey that's in sing dollars alright. damn. my friend was late. fine, went to board that harry potter bus. that tim guy was there. i told him i know his name. he didnt look happy. but i dun care.

rights i'm hungry. that bus ride was boring. had dinner at taka. the food sucked. i went home, this time by the train. so much cheaper.

here i am infront of u(my com), typing my agonies and happiness.

here's what i wanna tell him:
Who needs the world when I've got you
Switch off the sun, the stars and the moon
I've all I need inside of this room
Who needs the world when I've got you

its me. again.

2004-06-09T03:08:00.000-07:00

crap. its 237 in the morning of a new day. i've never seen a sun rise before. i think i had, but i didnt noticed it. i've ignored mother nature completely. guessed was my ignorant that made me missed alot of things. the power of friendship, the strength of relationships. i've been so busy with daily work i've even neglected my mom. i must have been really bad.

as O level is approaching, many are burying their darn head in the book mine. does it help? i wanted to be like them. that was my goal for this holiday. but i failed. i spent endless time on the internet, doing this darn blog and fighting with my darn attitude.

eventhough god said he'll do the rest, it comes with a condition, that is if u do your best. i havent done my best. my best effort is being destroyed by my laziness. how am i gonna overcome this. i wanna do my parents proud, cos i'm the only one who can bring that glory light upon them.

friends, lovely people they may seem, however the spikes beneath them are terrifying. as the world is getting more open, their spikes are getting more and more visual day by day. its hard to find someone who u could tell ur problems to. if u have one... u're one lucky fella. i havent got one. they're either cant be bothered or just too lazy to listen.

every morning, while i'm walking to the bus stop. i see people brushing through the roads. i wonder, why do they live? do they live to enjoy or just enjoying the wonders of living? or perhaps money rule their lifes. this thinking is very wrong, i tell you. money can never control us, once it does, u're dead. DEAD. money has caused many families to break apart. because of money, countries have wars. the young generation die young while the older, just die.

oh god. is this why u made life? i hope not! in this world, too many are being discriminated. do u think those people in prison all did something terribly wrong. they must have their reasons for doing so. just no one listens to them. they only do when they did the wrong thing. kill, rob whatever they may be. its not their fault.

people get stucked on things sometimes. relax people, look around u. the chirping of the birds, the wonders of the rainbows and the richness of the soil. its all beautiful. did u notice it? i bet u didnt even notice that there's someone who's secretly supporting u morally and giving u all the help u need in the world to step into the carpet of success. spend some time reflect. it does do good.

reflecting on oneself could help improve the person. but its always up to the person to decide whether to change for the better or worst.it all depends on the muturity of that person. i like my frankness, although some people couldnt accept facts. i feel sorry for them. i hate my attitude. which part of the family gene it came from? i guess this attitude is the culprit of all my crimes. the way i made mr sim feel like a downright idiot. i feel guilty. but i couldnt stand the way he demoralise us. it just dumb. i guess this is what we call personality. everyone have a different personalities and views. because of this flaws we have, it made no human a perfect person. i guess this is me.

humph leave me alone...

2004-06-08T23:45:00.000-07:00

ooh.. i woke up only when the sun burnt my poor butt(ouch.)

nothing much in the day just went online until evening, its really bored.

till at night, me and my mom went for my bro's chalet, its his birthday u see. and then my mom left me behind penniless without a phone. i got really furious and screamed at her. i know i was wrong. sorry mom!

oh well i got so fed up i went home! yar.. me and my bull attitude. no wonder no one likes me. hmm..

yeah.. i'm like thinking... am i really irritating. i'm just bored, need someone to accompany my through this old night of mine.

alrights so i'm irritating, i keep on disturbing people and all. i think i should perhaps spare their misery and stop disturbing them. hmm.... alrights.. that's all for today.. i'm just another SAD soul in this SAD planet called the EARTH.

wheeeeee me backie

2004-06-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

alrights alrights i'm gonna do this right. hm.. haha.. the last blog was a disaster.. i got bored and stopped doing..

HOWDY

Today.. woo.. today was totally disappointing..
i thought we could like take the harry potter bus and see that tim guy. but he was off shift. dammit.
the harry potter bus will be gone after wednesday. so if u havent had a ride on it, better do so quick. its really fun!! AR!!!!!!!!!haha